My advice to Susan, my advice to myself

so i woke up inspired.

i turned on my laptop, checked out danny’s blog, read a really interesting post he wrote “against bitterness” and against being “rude” to women — and then he mentions tia susan — and then two hours later, i have written probably the longest comment of my life.

this was an excellent exercise, though. it sums up my current state of affairs, my current thinking about game, and, most importantly, has made me realize that if i truly do want to find the right girl, i am going to have to get a lot tougher and stronger, learn to play more hardball, AND also know when to turn off the fucking computer and go out and ACCOMPLISH the things i want to accomplish in this world.

so, having said that, my goal is to not blog for AT LEAST the rest of the day, if not for the next several days.

so many other things to do in life!

so here it is, from danny’s blog.

—-

MY ADVICE TO SUSAN, MY ADVICE TO MYSELF

@danny

“i too have reasons to be a dick to women, but you know what…..being bitter will only bring you isolation and loneliness.”

danny, you are right. bitterness is for losers.

you give great advice because you approach issues in life from a position of mastery, assertiveness, calmness — even gratitude — and this attitude is a large reason why you have been so successful in “figuring out” life and why you are such a productive and accomplished person.

however, reading this part:

“now i recently learned of some of the fellahs being pretty rude and, well….talking down to women commenters or about women in general. Tia Susan was good enough to call me to discuss blogging , the SMP, and…well……blogger soap opera fun.”

reading that made me think about her “advice to richard” post –and the surrounding controversy — and this is the part i don’t understand.

“being pretty rude” and “talking down” to women means insulting them, and this is where things gets interesting.

when i was in my fraternity in college, we had a rule for meetings, especially for rush meeting, when we were deciding on new pledges, and it was “no personal attacks”. i like that rule. it means, discuss this issues, but not the person. i think in latin it is …. yeah, this.

SEEING THE LIGHT

anyway, i love women — well, i hate them too, and i AM in fact angry and bitter, but i am working at overcoming that, and i talk about it, and i know it’s all just in my head, and i WANT to become more like you and the other men out there, who love women for what they are, and not hate them for what they are not — so yeah, my goal *is* to love women, and to find harmony, and increase the love and harmony in the world. it is.

right now, i am going through a good phase because i am fucking blondie, and loving my job, so my anger and bitterness is pretty low, it is in remission. but it’s like fucking is a drug for me, if i don’t fuck for a few weeks, i start to get angry — angry at all the pretty girls i see on the street, angry for me being starving, and for them not being kind enough to feed me — and EVEN MORE angry at myself for not being confident enough to approach them, or seduce them.

something like that.

and i know that this is a personal issue i have to deal with, my sexual insecurities and my desperate need to overcompensate for past sexual scarcity by wanting to fuck every pretty girl i see.

anyway, as i said, right now i am fucking this girl blondie, and eating very heartily, so life is good. AND i know that that’s not how it should be — i shouldn’t be so reactive to girls, i should eat heartily FROM LIFE, pussy shouldn’t be my only food — girls are just a side dish i know! and i should connect to the feminine in MANY ways, not just through pussy — but anyway, that’s an entirely different topic.

getting back to my original point, without making myself into the victim — the absolute WORST habit anyone can have — i think it is fair to say that i struggled with girls for about the first decade of my SMP life, from about 15-25. i didn’t get laid until i was 21, and even then, i sucked for a while. i don’t want to say i “suffered”, but i did.

point is, now that i have taken the red pill, and i realize all the things i had been doing wrong, and have personally proven that “game” works — basically, now that i fundamentally DO know how women think, how they feel, what they are REALLY attracted to — as opposed to what they SAY they are attracted to — now that i know what it takes to get them in bed — i am no master, but i have had flashes of mastery — anyway, now that i know all this stuff, i feel it is my duty and responsibility to share it with other men.

that makes sense, right?

i want to help other men “see the light”, the same way other men were kind enough to show me the light.

that is what i am looking to do.

THE GOAL OF MY BLOG

the goal of my blog is to become a better man — and by better, i mean a man who has mastered life, AND mastered pussy — meaning, my goal is to be a man who has numerous high quality female options from which to choose from.

i realized rather quickly that i don’t have the time or the energy to be the “gigolo” type, with a rotating soft harem of four or five chicks. i don’t think i could EVER do that, even if i had the ability — i want to become a respected photography, and i have other ambitions in life aside from just getting laid — alright, maybe i would do it for a few months, just for fun — but long term, even medium term, i want to be with a special girl, a high quality girl, and truthfully, i DO want to fall in love again.

i say this after being inspired by recent posts by krauser and yohami about “ideal feminine beauty” and about “falling love“. i am a pisces after all, and i am sensitive and romantic, and i DO want to fall in love.

this also reminds me of a post by rollo, how most men want to learn game to bag their “dream girl”, not to turn into sociopathic cads fucking thousands of girls — and breaking thousands of hearts — over many decades.

most men, i believe, ARE kind and caring, and do want to fall in love, and have a special, amazing, sexy as hell girl in their lives. yeah, some of us — all of us? — go through phases of bitterness and anger, but in a way i think that’s normal, even healthy.

not to get too off topic again, but to me, strong proof that men want to fall in love is the concept of the “girlfriend experience” in prostitution, and even how most hookers will tell you — i saw this on a bunny ranch episode — that they have “regulars” — meaning that among guys who go to hookers, most of them, instead of going for that “endless variety” that all men supposedly want, they go for one girl in particular, and pretty much make her his “girlfriend”.

so yeah, guys need love as much as they need sex.

or, almost as much.

or, as someone wrote about — maybe willy — men need female affection. great way of saying it. there is nothing like the soft, delicate touch from a girl who loves you and cares about you.

ah, that’s me getting all romantic again.

ANYWAY, before i completely lose my train of thought, all i am saying is, i want to help other men, and that the my blog has two goals:

1. track my own progress and mastery in a diary style, for me to read, reflect on, and learn from.

2. “capture” and collect wisdom from other blogs, from other men, from wiser men than me, from more accomplished men than me, in order to create a resource for other betas to learn from.

that’s it.

BECOMING A BETTER MAN

i just want to become a better man, help other men become better men too, and — and this part is relatively new that i am admitting to myself — also to eventually find the right girl and fall in love again.

but this “right girl”, she is going to be an 8.5 or 9, she is NOT going to be a 7, or a 7.5.

NOPE.

so for that, for me to get a 9, i gotta get MUCH better. i gotta increase my value tremendously, and get stronger (in every sense of the word) and tougher, and sharper, and faster, and be more productive, and achieve more, and accomplish more.

and yeah, i DO believe that the path to sexual mastery must go through the hedonistic jungle of sexual abundance — i even think *you* recommended something like that. that a man, to become a real man sexually, and ingrain that abundance mentality in his head, must first fuck 50 girls.

like the gladwell concept of 10,000 hours.

so anyway, that is the mission and the purpose of my blog — to help myself, and to help other men.

and the key thing is, I KNOW WHAT WORKS. i may not have mastered it or internalized it fully in my own core, or applied it 100% in my life, but i have studied this shit for almost two years now, and I KNOW GAME.

i really do.

BAD ADVICE TO STRUGGLING BETAS

so when i see other bloggers giving bad advice to struggling betas, i think of myself 10 years ago, 5 years ago, even 2 years ago, and i call them out.

male bloggers, too, of course. anyone can give bad advice.

BUT

but in particular, yeah i think women in general usually give bad dating advice to men, and i think susan specifically has given some bad advice to men — and i do think her advice to richard was very bad.

AND

and i think it is fair and appropriate for there to be a healthy debate in the community as to the advice she gives. after all, her blog i’m sure gets hundreds of thousands of views a month — maybe even more — and i would guess that over half of her readers are men — and MOST of them, i would guess, are beta men looking for answers.

wait, not only do i think it is “fair and appropriate” for the community to debate susan’s advice — like i said before, i think it is my DUTY to critique her advice, since she is so influential.

but again, this is about the thing — the advice she gives — not about the person. the topic being debated is the advice she gives, not her worth as a human being.

MY FUNDAMENTAL CRITIQUE

my fundamental critique of susan is this:

susan is too nice. she doesn’t want men to play hardball with women. but what susan doesn’t seem to understand, or happens to forget, is that for a woman to respect a man, and for a woman to fall in love with a man, she *needs* him to play hardball with her.

so after reading susan’s softball, way to nice “advice to richard” post, this is what i wrote:

“it would take a really bitchy and egotistical female blogger to advise a man to use two women sexually and emotionally, in order to further his own pleasure. that’s okay, though, susan. all this means is that you are a nice, kindhearted person. so, you should actually feel GOOD about yourself for giving richard BAD advice.”

and what did susan reply?

she wrote this:

“I have a strategic suggestion for you. It would get you a ton of new readers and provide some sort of structure to your aimless meanderings. Shut down this self-indulgent, sadistic blog (shudder, never a good combo!) and start a new blog:

SUSAN SUX

You would get tons of comments, not just Milf here, and my posts would provide endless fodder for your shameless navel gazing.”

not to promote stereotypes, but my whole post was devoted to observing behavior, analyzing theories and strategies, questioning the validity of sources, brainstorming deeper causes and motivations — it is called critical thinking, it is called using REASON and LOGIC to come up with a strategy most likely to succeed based on previous knowledge and experiences, it is called using my INTELLECT — and susan’s reply was PURE EMOTION.

as anybody who was truly studied game knows, game *is* a science, because it has been studied like a science, with hypotheses, experiments, observations, results, analyses, conclusions, more hypotheses, etc. — and men, overall, as we know, excel at science. we tend to have more scientific brains.

i am not the most scientific person in the planet — i am more intuitive than logical, i am more feminine than masculine in many ways — but i am looking to LEARN about game, and i HAVE learned about game, by approaching it scientifically.

PLAYING THE VICTIM

one thing i try really hard NOT to do is play the victim, and just believe that people, or girls in particular, are “out to get me” — and that is EXACTLY what susan did when she replied that i should shut down my “sadistic” blog and start a new one called “SUSAN SUCKS”.

susan, i can see how my post hurt your feelings. i get it. i am a sensitive person too. my feelings get hurt WAY more often than they should. it sucks being a HSP in this day and age, well in any day and age i am sure.

BUT THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU SUSAN.

this isn’t about you and your hurt feelings. what we need to focus on is helping other people find love and success in the SMP. right now, RICHARD’S feelings are also hurting, because girl #1 is playing him like a violin. and *he* is the one coming to you for advice.

THIS IS ABOUT RICHARD.

susan, you are happy and cozy with your loving husband and loving daughter. congratulations. you are a “winner” in the SMP from the 60s. you won. you made the right decisions, and are living a full, happy, rewarding life.

others, like richard, are NOT in “happy and cozy” situations. that is why they write to you. and it should be your goal to help them.

that is the goal of your blog, right?

so when someone else — me, for example — critiques your professional dating advice, you shouldn’t stray from the topic at hand — giving advice to richard — and get all emotional and victimy and lash out with personal attacks just because your feelings got hurt.

instead, if you truly want to give great advice — which i know you do — this is what i recommend you do.

SUSAN’S TO DO LIST

susan, you should:

1. take my criticism like a professional

2. logically decide if my advice to richard is better than yours

3. calmly discuss the pros and cons of my advice — and the advice of more accomplished men like yohami, doug, FFY, rollo, dalrock, etc — on a follow up blog post, using facts, critical reasoning, and additional expert opinion from a wider variety of respected sources — *not* just guyism and david wygant

4. and you should leave your personal feelings out of it

susan, you are a very smart woman. you shouldn’t resort to creating personal drama. it is simply immature and childish.

you are above that.

so anyway, that is pretty much all i wanted to say.

final point:

danny, i don’t think you are a white knight at all, i think you are a good guy with a good heart — who also bangs tons of chicks — so like i said, you have a lot of things figured out, which is why it’s awesome that you have a blog, so other men — and women — can learn from you.

i know you are good friends with susan, and that is cool. i like susan too. like i’ve said many times, her heart is in the right place. she wants to help people, and SHE IS helping people.

but when she gives bad advice to richard, she should seek to learn from the feedback she gets from other men, she should ideally thank them for their critiques, and she should seek to give better advice next time.

OR

or she could argue their points, and engage in a rational, professional debate as to who is giving better advice, and why.

BUT

what she should *not* do is get all bitchy and emotional, and launch personal attacks, calling me “sadistic” and “self indulgent”.

susan, you are the one being self indulgent when you indulge in your hurt feelings over the “advice to richard” issue. your advice to richard was pretty bad, and you should simply own up to it, and resolve to give better advice next time.

everyone makes mistakes.

please don’t take it so personally.

we are all friends here :-)