My world is empty

my world is empty

1. because i won’t let anyone in

2. because i won’t let anyone in because i am ashamed of my world

3. because i hate my photography, i don’t think it’s good enough, and thus i don’t want to share it

4. or because i think my photography is perverted, and thus i don’t want to share it, because i am ashamed

5. basically there is a lot of shame and hiding in my life

6. and thus it is empty and i am lonely

7. and thus i hate myself even more

8. and thus my world is even MORE lonely and empty

9. and so the cycle continues

10. for example, when i had stephanie over my apt, i had nothing to “show her”. bare walls. no style. same for tomas. same for cris, couldn’t invite her over, nothing to show, nothing to share.

11. if i am more of a homebody, and i don’t invite anyone over, then no one enters my world, so i am all alone

Six Ugly Truths about Women

http://yohami.com/blog/2012/05/29/my-hus-love-story/

deti:
May 30, 2012 5:01 pm

Stingray:

I’m much more ashamed (and fearful) of women’s true natures. These feral female characteristics are not discussed at HUS.

1. At their basest, women are cruel, petty, and vindictive — both to other women and to men. I have seen a woman with her words literally cut a man’s heart out of his chest, throw it on the ground and stomp on it repeatedly — in public.

Women have a capacity for verbal cruelty to others that I have yet to see any man match. They seem to reserve their worst cruelty for their husbands.

2. It is not true that women are innately good, pure, and noble. Women have a capacity for human sin just as men do.

3. Given the right circumstances, the right man, the right time, and low risk of detection, many (if not most) women will cheat on their husbands. Most women in the past have “cheated” on a boyfriend. And it is much easier for a woman to conceal her cheating than it is for a man to conceal his.

4. Women want rough, vigorous sex. Most don’t like candlelight, romantic sex, at least not most of the time. Most women really get off on vigorous sex.

5. When it comes to sex, nearly all women want to be dominated by a strong man. Women want to be told what to do, when to do it and how to do it in the bedroom.

6. Women act ruthlessly in their own self interest. If a woman deems it to be to her advantage, she is fully capable of shading the truth, lying, obfuscation, fraud, deceit, manipulation, cunning, and more.

Feminism keeps these truths from men, who need to hear them. I’m going to shout them from the rooftops.

More on women’s nature

from yohami’s blog.

Höllenhund:

One big difference between men and women is that women have no sense of shame, no natural sense of honor to protect, indeed no natural sense of right or wrong, because they aren’t naturally imbued with a sense of justice. Their behavior is kept in line only when the consequences, especially the material consequences, of misbehavior are very concrete and clear. Trying to appeal to women’s sense of shame is an utter waste of time. Whatever sense of shame they have is in fact nothing but the fear of possible ostracism from the sisterhood.

deti:

“One big difference between men and women is that women have no sense of shame, no natural sense of honor to protect, indeed no natural sense of right or wrong, because they aren’t naturally imbued with a sense of justice.”

Much as it pains me to say it, I am beginning to think this is correct about women, when it comes to interpersonal relationships. This is because men think and women feel.

To women in relationships, there is no “right and wrong”; there is only “what I want and what I don’t want.”

How can you trust a woman?

from krauser’s blog:

Drew:
Can you elaborate about the woman being “honest to their emotions” and not keeping promises and changing their mind all the time(min 27)?

Yohami:
her emotions > her rational mind. She’ll be true to what she feels to be true, and not to what the rational mind, logic, promises, history, facts… say to be true. None of that matters if they get in the way of the emotional truth.

And then, obviously, emotions can vary from moment to moment.

Drew:
So how can a man(from his logical POV) can trust/rely on woman?

Yohami:
Can you trust/rely on a computer? a dog? a wave? a chair? a friend?

You can trust/rely when something behaves as expected: your expectation is what you rely on.

So you can rely / trust women to follow their fluid feelings, to put feelings prior to facts, to protect their feelings and treat their feelings like they are a treasure and the ultimate truth, you can trust that whatever they do is what they feel benefits them the most, that whatever they tell you is because they expect to get emotional payout from it, and you can rely on whatever state she’s in to last for only a short span.

You can also trust/rely that because of these dynamics a lot of them go insane (all it takes is their emotional intelligence goes damaged, and there’s no rational shell to compensate for it) and have BPD traits. If a girl has a couple of moves on her emotional dance that are simply soar / chaotic / conflictive… you can trust this wont ever stop no matter what you do, because she owns her own emotional reality.

The Foundation, revised

1
i live my life for me. i am exactly where i want to be. i do not make excuses or blame other people for *anything*. i have full control over my life. i create my own destiny every day.

2
i am grateful

3
life is beautiful and full of abundance

4
every day my life starts fresh. every day my life is full of new opportunities.

5
i approach each day with fresh new ENERGY

6
green tea is my wonder drug and i need to drink it daily

7
energy level = mood = outlook on life

8
i respect the cycles and rituals of life

9
i start something and then i finish it and then i start something else

More on slapping and choking

AO on slapping and choking his girl rose, from the comments:

I slapped Rose around some last night, light slaps on the face, holding my hand around her throat. She acted surprised and almost like she didn’t like it. She sort of questioned it and I told her she liked it. She didn’t disagree and then not long after as I was holding my hand around her throat (firmly, but not choking her), she came very hard.

Afterwards she wondered how I could even tell when she got really turned on, relaxed, and wet (with a condom on) and I told her that this is why I buy the absolute best (and thinnest) condoms because that way I can know all that I can about her body so that I can enjoy bringing her to the edge. She loved it.

fuck yeah.

And now she can’t stop thinking about me

it feels good to hurt others.

sometimes it does.

i know that’s just about the worst thing i could feel, but at least i am aware of it.

so blondie calls me today. i have some of her stuff.

but that’s just an excuse. she misses me. she has a beta bf, she says she’s happy, she says he treats her right — but i can tell she’s bored.

and sexually frustrated.

how do i know this? well, she quickly brings up sex in the conversation.

rough sex.

not about her, about a coworker, but yeah, right, i know what she is really talking about.

then pretty much out of the blue, she asks me,

ya tienes otra victima en [ ]?

translation:

do you have another victim in city Y?

that feels great.

she adds,

do you have another victim to fill your needs?

i ask,

you were my victim?

yes, i was your victim.

but who cares, i forgive you.

i feel like the emperor in star wars, embrace the dark side, luke! it feels great. i love it. i am actually getting turned on, feeling her pain.

i tell her i want to see pics of her and her new bf.

she says no.

she adds,

i wouldn’t want to see pictures of you with someone else.

why not?, i ask.

because i loved you.

you were very important to me.

but i need to move on with my life.

i love every second.

it fucking feels great.

zero pity.

ruthless.

these are the girls you fuck.

the ones that give you ZERO butterflies.

in this world, sadly that’s true.

and so i take it even further.

i ask her,

does your bf know you are still in love with me?

there is a pause.

i am trying to make her cry.

but she doesn’t crack.

she just sighs, and says,

i’m not still in love with you.

but she clearly is.

fuck yeah.

anyway, damn, talk about regressing. here i am trying to fix my core, and instead i end up indulging in psychological sadism.

but fuck it, it feels great to be the asshole sometimes. i have rarely played that role in my life, and it is a real rush.

let me put it this way:

i fucked her, i slapped her, i choked her, i filmed her, i came on her face, i broke her heart, and now she can’t stop thinking about me.

that’s all i got to say.